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does anyone have any locksmith related jokes or funny stuff for me to put in the locksmith magazine could do with a bit of help come on boys help a lay in disfress lol

I take it "help a lay in distress" was a typo and not a freudian slip!

Two blondes were trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't.  The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."

What's the difference between a fiddler playing in "D" and a locksmith?

A locksmith knows how to change keys, and can get paid for it !

I call my pet dog locksmith because every time I open the door he makes a bolt for it.

thanks phil love the dog one lol look out 4 them in the mag xx

dod dand i fort i wus lisdexic x

Tips of the day

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual

If at first you don’t succeed don’t take up skydiving.

No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats remember that approximately one billion Chinese people couldn’t care less.

im not saying coleen rooney is thick or anything, but i heard the first question she asked wayne after she found out that he paid £1200 pounds for a 19 year old escort was, is it taxed and mot,d

The wife was moaning at me  last night about I dont listen to her !

I think thats what she said

Had a great night in last night I watched my wedding video   "in reverse" best bit was when she got in the car and f.cked off.

the key that can open any lock = the pikey

Phil, like the wedding video joke but hope the wife doesn’t see it.

Divorce comes from the Latin word divocrcerum meaning ‘ to have your genitals torn out through your wallet’.

Locksmith went on Dragons Den but was chucked out with no money, apparently its unacceptable to tell Debra Meaden to f**** o*f and make the sandwich’s why the men talk business

There was a look alike competition in China last week...

Everybody won!!   :-)

Did you hear about the locksmith that thought screw fix was a dating agency.